overwhelmed.

it seems so fitting that the day after i post all about my wonderful internship, i come to write about how overwhelmed i am right now. upon entering this internship, i knew that my big, sunday afternoon, italian family dinners wouldn't be able to happen for a year (i'm at church till 5pm on sundays). i knew that i wouldn't be able to pop over to my sisters' houses to see the kids multiple times per week (i have intern duties 2 nights a week and i live 30 mins away). i knew i'd miss my dog (she lives with my mom & dad). i knew all of this, yes; but it doesn't make it any easier. now that i'm 8 weeks into the internship, i'm really starting to miss the freedom of just laying around when i get home from work. i miss having every saturday off and it frustrates me that chad and i have to work really hard to find a time where we can go to the apple orchard before it gets too cold. my good friends ben and jen are in town this week and yesterday i had a mini-meltdown because i realized how hard it's going to be for me to find time to see them. i just want more days in the week! more hours! i found myself dreading my intern duties yesterday. i found myself wanting to complain and get bitter about all of the stuff i've got going on. i wanted to crawl into my bed and quit.

after i regained my composure and realized that i need to get ready (and fast!) to get to dinner with chad, i decided i would just ignore my feelings and deal with them later (always the best of ideas, obviously). we had a good dinner, i kinda forgot about my wallowing-in-self-pity mood, and i went to bed. this morning, upon hitting snooze twice and then freaking out because i actually turned my alarm off and almost fell back asleep, i sleepily checked my e-mail. i get a daily devotional in there that i usually read when i first get to school, but i decided to read it while i was still in my warm bed in my dark room. 

it was a passage from matthew 20, and it was kind of lengthy. i was still half-asleep, but some of this text struck a chord in me that spoke very clearly to my feelings yesterday. it said simply this:

"whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant

...for even the Son of Man came not to be served, 

but to serve others." 

wow. talk about conviction! it's so amazing to me how God, in the nicest, gentlest way, will just kinda hit me with exactly what He wants me to hear...even if it's something that's going to convict me and put everything into perspective. He is so wonderful. i know why i'm interning at substance. i know why God has called me to something greater and why i'm following Him. He's doing incredible things and i am so happy to joyfully serve where i can at my church- to see His Kingdom furthered. i'm so honored and blessed.